I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
