So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
