At least make sure they are 18
Why
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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