I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
