I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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