shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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