The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
