I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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