I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
