i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You ruined the universe
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
