he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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