How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
