Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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