I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
