I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
