No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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