Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
