I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
