my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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