I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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