it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
