forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
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I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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