Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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