Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You smell like stripper and shame
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
