I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
