sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
