I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
