Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
