We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
In America we eat man semen.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
