weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
