I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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