i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
