A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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