Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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