your thong is hanging out like whoa
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize