he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
