When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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