he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
