my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
