They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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