And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
