I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
