Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
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You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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