You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
