i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
