its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
