we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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