Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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