Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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