They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize