i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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