I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
