i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
