Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
