Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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