Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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