so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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