no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
