I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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