In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
