I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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