that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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